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April 21st Edition
In This Issue:
The Little Weather Quickie for the Greater Charlotte Area
for Week of April 21-28, 2015
Wednesday 77h & clear, Thursday 70h & p-cloudy, Friday 72h & clear, Saturday 68h & 80% rain, Sunday 73h & 30% rain, Monday 71h & p-cloudy, Tuesday 67h & 70% rain (as per www.intellicast.com on 04/21/15)
What kind of "cruiser" are you?
I hear it all the time - "I don't really go to motorcycle events much. I'd prefer just to ride." I get it! I'm somewhere in between and I totally get that not all riders are into events. Us rider types vary in how we express our love of The Ride. Some of us are into the ride that takes us into tranquil backroads in contrast to the ever-chaotic level of our non-riding lives. Some of us like to ride alone as it's the only time we get by ourselves. And, yes, some of us wanna ride with everyone everywhere all the time. It's all good. We're free to choose, free to be. Ain't it great?!
As the weather's shifting, our EVENTS CALENDAR is filling up and The BIG RIDE 2 has several events on its schedule for May and June ... so this week's issue is focused on Coming Events. And as I was thinking about how some of us are into events and some of us aren't, it made me think of the different ways folks take on vacations....
Vacations can have all sorts of flavors; just depends on who you are and your own approach to life. Some of us make sure to plan a vacation that's filled with things to do. We book ourselves at an active resort and we're first in line for snorkling and kayaking and sailboat races and beach volleyball and cocktail hours and lunchtime bingo and karaoke twister and celebrity chef look-alike contest and the we're last to crash at night after partying to the fullest. We take a cruise and fill ourselves with all that's offered at the food bars not to mention the casinos, spa treatments, land tours, and captain's parties. We head to the beach and never stop till we get back home where we have to rest up after a week of Gooney Golf, rides, fishing, shagging, shopping, and seeing all the sights our eyes can take in. And, of course, we go to a motorcycle rally and walk our booted-feet off on Main Street and beyond, ride all the scenic rides, shop all the Harley shops, and drink all the fun in at the bars and biker games.
Then there are those of us who, when given the chance to vacate our busy lives for awhile, drink in the peace and quiet, soak up nature's simple beauty, and feed on opportunities to put our feet up, turn our minds off, and switch our to-do lists to "later."
It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round....
Keep your eyes on our Online EVENTS CALENDAR
For those of you who wanna know about what's coming up event-wise, The Carolina Rider is the place to find out. Our online EVENTS CALENDAR can't be beat as a resource of what's up in NC/SC for riders. And if we DO miss something on our Calendar, would you please make sure we know?
Got an event coming up? Make sure to contact us early in your planning process. The Carolina Rider Weekly Magazine has a ton of ways to help your event grow, thrive, and be tons of fun. Not-for-profit events get all sorts of FREE support from us - the same kind of amazing support we offer for-profit events. Remember, this magazine goes out every week to over 75,000 riders - the folks you wanna reach - so make sure we're who you turn to first at the very beginning of your planning. By the way, our fees for for-profit businesses are extremely reasonable so make sure you hook up with TCR if your business has an event to promote!
Whether your "cruise mentality" is such that you'd just as soon sit in a deck chair with a book for a week or you keep your "dance card" filled, motorcycle events are popping up with the Spring flowers ......... and this edition celebrates them all while mentioning a few.
Happy Event Season!
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Time to Get Smoke Out on your Calendar
Finally!!! The long year of thumbtwiddling and teeth grinding have passed and the greatest show on earth is once again upon us (eat your hearts out Barnum&Bailey.) The hills are once again alive with the sounds of straight pipes and every other motorcycle event of the year is soon going to turn into the most laborious chore you’ve ever had to endure. Fair warning to those who have never seen the SMOKE OUT ... well, I’ll let Dorothy explain that:
“This night ain't for the faint of heart ‘cause the faint of heart gonna fall apart.”
Smoke Out. Shit to tell the truth it's a hard thing to try to sit and describe honestly. The phrase “last of its kind” comes to mind because it is. I’m not trying to say that there aren’t some great shows out there ... but I am saying there are none better than this one, man.
My first time at this show I called my sister and gave her cause for concern. She answered and all I said was go to my place and fucking sell everything! Naturally her first question was how much bail money I needed. That’s when I told her I wasn’t coming home, I planned to stowaway in a trailer and go whereever the show went. It is that fucking BOSS of a show! Pulling into the temporary two day commune grants a certain sense of belonging not normally afforded at other events. All ages, all brands, all styles, whatever you’ve got it all blends into one here. That poser-assed fakeness that causes that kink in the cock at other shows is nowhere to be found here in the lowlife promised land.
Event Organizer, Edge, once described this show to me as being the equivalent to a fireworks display. Instead of sending them up one at a time it’s more like lighting all fuses at once and lighting up the sky in one glorious blast. But what fuses are there to be lit you may ask? I’m gonna need a smoke to list all the shit that’s happening here.
During the day there is no real shortage of activity. On the Friday that everyone starts filing in and setting up camp is normally just a really mellow affair. The vendors open, camp gets set up, the booze (and other fun felonies) start popping up and getting passed around, it’s really just a time of people-watching and catching up with old friends and making new ones. Oh, and there’s a drag strip, an open drag strip, open as in "get in line and wait your turn" dragstrip! Do they do that shit at your local HOG rally? I think not!!! That’s all day Friday and into the afternoon. By then most have gotten settled in and a little fuckered-up and that’s when the lights go down. Hit it Dorothy:
“This night ain't the night for the holy man, with his holy plan for the promised land”
Night falls and shit gets REAL man. Once the bands start to play and the crowd starts getting bat-shit-crazy, you can almost smell debauchery in the air ... now that I think about it, that was probably something else. Rebel Son is returning this year. I know I’ve always hated country music and southern rock but after hearing these guys for the first time, I’m sure all will agree, rockabilly kicks ever-loving’ ass! Then once the bands are done (Rebel Son usually plays twice,) you will see come to the stage a guy named “Roadside Marty,” who I can only describe as a big fat fuck. Now; I’m not making fun of heavy people but there’s a big difference between being heavy and being a big fat fuck. This guy is a BIG FAT FUCK and he is my second favorite thing to see appear on that stage. His back and forth banter with the audience is always a crowd pleaser and not something to be missed. You think what I do is vulgar, hahahaha. I got jack-shit on this guy.
Always watch for Marty to pop on stage. Not for his stage act mind you; but for the fact that Marty is the “keeper of the ka-nockers.” When he takes the stage, settle in because you’re about to see a show! I’ve been doing this show for a lot of years and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that they have to fly these girls in from somewhere. There isn’t a strip club around with that kinda “talent.” Wet t-shirt my ass. I’m yet to see a shirt ona single one of those double-barreled heartthrobs.
When the powers that be start clearing out the show area, we all head to the campground around midnight .... but that’s still waaaaaayy too early to end this party. No nono slappy were heading down to the burnout pit to increase our odds of having to call and try to find a truck to get home on Sunday. I have literally seen a guy wear out his rim in that burnout pit. Motors blow, trannies get destroyed,everyone standing within twenty feet of the bit gets rubber burns, fuckingbeautiful.
Saturdaymornings always start with the inevitable hangover and “wha-tha-fuck” from the night before, projectile vomiting at will included so pack some flip flops for that first trip to the outhouse. But does that dampen the enthusiasm? Oh fuckerno! Shit, there will be a line of people standing at that gate waiting for it to open like a bunch of school kids waiting for the evening bell. Then we start it all over again, with the exception that Saturday packs a waaaayyy longer list of amenities.
Saturday is the day of the ride-in chopper show (the reason we’re all here.) And let me say - you have not seen a custom motorcycle until you see this show. Choppers,bobbers, café racers, brat bikes, rat bikes, diggers, American, Japanese, British, Italian, German, it is far beyond my fucking grasp as to how the judges pick the winners that they do. You could spend all day in this one part of the show and still not see everything. But pick your times carefully, because there is ashit ton of other stuff to see and do today and only so much time to do it. You don’t wanna miss the “ka-nockers” do ya?
In a slightly more "artistic" form of public nudity, we have the painted lady contest. This is where a few lucky son-of-a,,, uhhh,,, I mean "artists" get to use a few lovely ladies as a blank canvas for their artistic capabilities, or lack thereof. But whatever you do, never stop one of these girls and ask them if the paint is edible. Don’t ask how I know. That enough for ya? Wanna give up and call it a day now? Let's not and say we did. We still have a laundry list of shit to get to. The ever-popular super hero mini bike races will soon be in full swing and who doesn’t want to see Gumby vs. SUPER COCK in the last lap? Yes - it is exactly what you think.
Next up are two completely new events to the Smoke Out this year. For beginners there are the drift trikes. If you have never seen a drift trike, I give you permission to flip over to YouTube real quick, go ahead I’ll wait. (15 minutes later) For those of you not distracted by porn, pretty bad-assed right? I would totally do that if I could fold my boney ass on to one.
The next is a timeless classic dating back to 19*** - oh hell I don’t know, WOMEN'S ROLLERDERBY!!! The actual rules of the sport? I don’t know. Goal of the game? Couldn’t tell ya to save my life. Is it a bad-assed affair that you couldn’t pay me to miss? Well hell yeah!!!
Finally the night draws to a close, time to sleep it off and head home right? WRONG!!! There’s still one more to go, SLAPPY! Last year we had CHOPPER PROM. A solid event but just not my kinda thing, mainly because I’m a single looser watching everyone else dance but that’s beside the point. It was a fun affair and a unique concept don’t get me wrong but formal attire just doesn’t fit in with the roundabout debauchery I came here for. Well this year the powers that be replaced it with a hilarious, if not more fitting, substitute in the form of costume karaoke. Dress up as you’re favorite singer and butcher your favorite song. If enough people stop by The BIG RIDE Bus and tell the TCR staff that they read this article and someone will bring me some hairdye and a skirt, I’ll do a Lzzy Hale impression. I shit you not.
There it is, man, the time is drawing neigh and glory is at hand!!! Ok, I guess that depends on your definition of glory. I know I cut this article close but shit man I look forward to this event more than my own. It’s nearly fucking impossible to wrap it all into one article. If you don’t quite grasp the shit I’m jaw-jacking about, then you need to get your ass up to Rockingham and see for yourself. I’ll see you all up there. Play us off Dorothy:
“THIS NIGHT AIN'T FOR THE FAINT OF HEART ‘CAUSE WHEN THE TRAIN RECK COME, GONNA LEAVE ‘EM ALL”
> VIDEO <
For a visual feel of Smoke Out, go HERE to watch a video ... and you'll catch a glimpse of the old BIG RIDE Bus and some of the TCR gang waving!
Antique Bikes on Main
You may recall that last year during Kamikaze and Antique Bikes on Main, our Bub was interviewed by a video crew who was working on a documentary about the annual event in Chesnee, SC. Mike West recently completed the project and has shared with us this fabulous video giving you the flavor of Antique Bikes on Main put on by Dennis Harris, Clint Button, and friends and the city of Chesnee. CLICK on the photo below - the one of "Bub in Stardom," and enjoy watching. See how many connections to The Carolina Rider that you find! ...
In addition to finding a couple of our regular columnists and a sighting of a TCR t-shirt (as above,) you might not know that there's "drone footage" in this documentary provided by Footloose himself and "Whirlygig the Drone!"
Antique Bikes on Main has been going on since 2005 making this year the annual event's 10th Anniversary. Shaggy started Kamikaze 3 years ago and moved it to become part of the Chesnee event last year. It will return again this year in the parking lot of the Anything With a Motor garage, right behind The BIG RIDE 2 Bus. See the flyer above and you can read more details of Shaggy's vision and plans for Kamikaze 2015 HERE.
This will be the 4th year that The Carolina Rider has been present for Antique Bikes on Main and we look forward to this small town-creation/antique bike extravaganza!
Keith Larson's Ride
Keith Larson of WBT radio wrote to ask that I please put word out this week about his upcoming ride. Keith's Ride is all about raising funds to support special medical needs young folks. Always a good cause, consistently a valued ride. You can find out more info about it HERE and follow more about it on their FACEBOOK page. Keith's Ride is this weekend, April 25th beginning at 8:30am at Matthews Fun Machines and ending at the WBT studios for music and food. Thanks for the nudge, Keith and best of wishes!
Indian Demo Days
And don't forget that this weekend is the Factory Demo at Indian Charlotte in Lowell, NC. I don't know if they're still taking reservations .. but highly recommend a look-see!
Cox has Open House
Another of our valued Sponsors, Cox's Harley-Davidson in Rock Hill, SC is having an Open House this Saturday, April 25th. Looks like they've got a band (Haiz Rail,) food, and a Bud tent too. I'm crossing fingers for them, for Indian Charlotte, and for myself since I'm teaching this weekend, that the rains in the forecast don't fall!
It's that time when bike nites are blasting off all over The Carolinas. Mac's bike nites zoomed onto the scene beginning last week. Gaston CBA's started their bike nites at the beginning of this month. Where are you going for Bike Nite? Are you part of starting one or bringing one back to life? Give us a shout and let us know ... and you'll wanna make sure it's on our online EVENTS CALENDAR!
May 2nd is the annual CVMA Ride. It gathers and leaves from Crossroads H-D in North Wilkesboro and heads to River City B&G Lake Norman. Police Escorted and benefitting veterans in need, it's another honorable ride. The Carolina Rider BIG RIDE 2 will be at the start so please come find us when you get to North Wilkesboro.
Maggie Valley Rally
And yes, we'll be in Maggie Valley for the weekend of May 22-24 for Sonny's Spring Rally called Mopar and Hawgs. It's a cool car and bike event with music and vendors. Our Charlotte Area Shriner friends will be selling beer onsite and we appreciate their presence and all that they do. Come find FancyFree and me at The BIG RIDE 2 there also.
What Else you Got?
The events season is surely heating up. Please don't forget that The Carolina Rider online EVENTS CALENDAR is THE PLACE to find what's happening ... and THE PLACE to make sure you promote your events!
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